It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
