So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
