he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
