Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
