Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Randomize
