i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
