i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
