I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
