She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Randomize
