In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
How naked do you want me to be?
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
