God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
third nipple confirmed
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
