yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
