Barsexuality is the new black.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Randomize
