All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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