1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
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