I must be too annoying 4 u.
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
