You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
