I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
