U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
