i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
