ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Randomize
