i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
