Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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