We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
