I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
