whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
