I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
i used baking grease as lip gloss
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
My liver is preforming stress tests.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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