I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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