just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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