I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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