I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Randomize
