all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
