What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
