I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
