i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
i wish my penis had a tongue
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
