he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
