Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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