It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
