Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
