I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
