I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
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