So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
