so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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