there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
