Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
