Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
