If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
