i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
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