Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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