Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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