the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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